The One Where a Movie Trailer Made Me Mad

I don’t know if anyone has seen the previews for the new superhero movie, ‘Deadpool,’ but from the regular trailer it looks like it could be funny. I appreciate the occasional dark humor and Ryan Reynolds has good comedic chops, so I initially thought this was just going to be another superhero movie we would see.

We just watched the red band trailer—which I will not link to here—and by the time it ended I was just so…angry. This was me:

In the ten or so seconds following the preview I tried to process just what it was that made me so mad and it was this: why on earth is there a superhero movie in which the f-word is used at least a half-dozen times in just the trailer. In the trailer, people! To say nothing about the nudity and violence.

Aren’t superhero movies for kids? How did we get here? What happened to these superheroes? When did superheroes stop being about silly humor and jokes for kids?!

And then it hit me.

There is a whole generation of ‘adults’ who are chomping at the bit to see this movie. A whole slew of legal adults who can’t wait to see a superhero movie with ‘their kind of humor’ and what appear to be (from the trailer) a few steamy sex scenes. I enjoy a superhero movie as much as the next gal who’s married to a comic book fan, but ultimately the movies should be geared toward their original audience. Teenagers.

Let’s call a spade a spade here, y’all. ‘Deadpool’ is a kids' movie with adult humor. Why was it even made? Because a lot of so-called ‘grown-ups’ have the attitude and sense of humor of a teenage boy, but a birthdate that allows them to buy booze, vote, and gain entrance to R-rated movies. 

There’s a possibility that I’m making too much of this. There’s a possibility that the expectation I have for ‘adult humor/entertainment’ includes too much actual thinking and not enough nudity or references to body parts and sex acts. Silly me for appreciating dry humor and intelligent comments. But I tell you what. I’ll keep ‘The Newsroom,’ ‘Downton Abbey’ and ‘The King’s Speech,’ and all those man-boys can enjoy ‘The League,’ ‘Archer’ and ‘Deadpool.’

Deal? Deal.

In My Head

I need to start some laundry.

Oh shoot. I keep forgetting to have the girls try on all their shoes to see what will fit for the school year. I wish our school didn’t have a ‘closed-toe shoes only’ policy. Flip flops are the shiz. How is it possible for their feet to have grown this much over the summer?! How is it possible that she still can’t tell her right from her left??

Ew. I desperately need to sweep my kitchen floor. And I've been meaning to mop in there for like--well, for a while. Maybe after lunch. Blarg. What the heck am I feeding these kids for lunch? I’ll figure that out in a minute.

Okay, shoes are all sorted into piles. Donate, trash, see if someone I know wants those. Now I need to vacuum out the shoe closet. Wait, I need to go to the bathroom. 

I *really* need to brush my teeth. Ugh and I’m almost out of hand soap. I should go to Target but I so don’t want to go anywhere today. Teeth are brushed. Should I change my shirt? How the heck does a 32-year-old woman still manage to get toothpaste all over herself? Whatever. It’s a pajama shirt. 

Oh crap, I still need to change the laundry over and fold the two (or three) baskets of laundry that are already clean. But first I need to clean up all the blankets on the floor in Buddy's room from having friends over last night. But Elsie's asleep so I can't really do that right now. 

Doesn't she look so cute on the monitor? Oh, I should make my bed. I really need to switch my nightstand for Landon's. He's not home half the time and mine is just too dang short. I should make covers for those pillows I got in February. Or was it March? How long have we had this bed? 

I love this bed. I can't think of a single night I haven't just conked out on it right away. Except when I was pregnant. Holy cow, that was a horrible pregnancy. I'm so glad I'm done with that. 

Okay bed's made, baby’s still asleep. {So cute!} I’ll toss these clothes down the chute and go start some laundry. Oh crap. I need to finish the shoe project. Should I use the big vacuum or the little sweeper? No one’s eating off the floor in there; the sweeper’s fine. How on earth is this battery already low? I don’t even use the dang thing. 

Okay. Shoe closet’s done. Gotta get those extra shoes where they need to be. Yeah, like I need one more thing sitting on this table waiting to go to someone. 

I really should have done the dishes last night before bed. Pizza sauce takes some soaking. I’ll just let these soak for a while. 

Is it seriously 12:15? Gotta feed these kids. Leftover pizza for the win. Or FTW. What’s the deal with all these acronyms? How hard is it to just talk? Should I give them a veggie? Oh screw it. Chips come from potatoes and I’m calling it good.

Oh my gosh I still haven’t started any laundry.

Oreos & Self-Control (And Why I Need Mind Police)

I have an issue with self-control. It’s not that I don’t have any. I totally do. There are a lot of things I want to say and don’t. There are a lot of things I want to buy and don’t. I wish I could sleep all the time, but I don’t. And even though a 30-minute shower sounds heavenly, I’m very much aware of the fact that my kids usually give me about a 7-minute window. When it comes to food, though…all bets are off.

Here’s the thing: it’s not that I cannot keep myself from eating what I want to eat. That’s not the problem. The problem is wanting not to eat those things.

Take Oreos, for example. (Praise the Lawd for Oreos! Glory, hallelujah!) It’s completely within my power to only eat the recommended serving size of three Oreos—which is ridiculous, by the way—and then just walk away. That is physically possible for me. I hate when people say something like ‘I just can’t stop eating them!’ Yes you can. Just stop. So that’s not my issue.

I will stand there and look at those Oreos {angel chorus} and think Man, I really want more. But I shouldn’t. It’s almost like I can’t stop. But I can stop. I could if I wanted to. But I don’t want to. I can have another Oreo if I want! 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you gain 30 pounds. You talk yourself into it and all of a sudden it feels like you’re standing up for yourself against judgmental cookie police (I don’t know, guys!) and you can be strong in the face of adversity or some crap like that. When what really needed to happen was for you to end the inner conversation at just knowing you shouldn’t eat those dang Oreos.

I’m pretty sure there’s something addictive in the filling. I mean sugar, sure. But I would find it a lot easier to justify my Oreo bingeing if someone could prove that there’s some sort of take-over-your-mind, act-against-your-will substance in it. So, yeah. Someone get on that why don’t ya?

The Romance of Shanghai Noon

Alright, so we all know that Shanghai Noon is not a romantic movie. But in this case, it’s the start of something romantic. Which is basically the same thing.

About 13 years ago in February 2002, I hung out with this super-hot guy named Landon for the first time. We had just attended an indoor football tournament at our church and my sister and her husband had invited a bunch of people over to their apartment for pizza and a movie. So there’s this guy there. And he looks like AC Slater, but way better because there wasn’t a mullet in sight. 

I had a cough hanging on from a cold (story of my life) and kept cough/laughing at all the funny parts. This dude, being the awesome catch that he was, asked me if he could get me anything. I knew all the funny lines to the movie because I had seen it once before and I have a freakish memory for movie lines. And since I am also that annoying person who quotes the funny lines before they happen, he was amazed at my awesomeness. Obviously. 

By the end of the night, he was totally on my radar as ‘that super cute and super nice guy from Shanghai Noon.’ The romance is almost overwhelming, huh? ;)

We went on to many more romantic outings together before we started officially dating three months later. Third Day concert with our college group from church, midnight showings of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings with friends (yes, we are that cool), and countless games of pitch in his dorm with all his friends in Martin Hall. 

We got to know each other over movies and cards, laughter and goofiness, and time spent surrounded by our friends. I can’t think of a better way to fall in love. 

This was after we'd been married a few years, but look how young we looked!

On our second date, he lit candles all around his apartment and we danced to Frank Sinatra. I got my wisdom teeth pulled and he brought me a Frosty and a Disney Princess spoon. Every Monday night after our church college group we would go back to my apartment and bake cinnamon rolls and watch a movie with my roommate. Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Mission: Impossible. We had fun together!

It hasn’t been all hearts and glamour and kisses and smiles, but I love our story. This isn’t even the half of it and I hope to write more down, but I think it’s a good place to start.

Momma...Out!

We’ve had kind of an interesting couple of weeks around the Bug household. I hesitate to say ‘difficult’ because it comes nowhere close to what some people deal with, but for me—yeah, it’s been rough.

 

Oh, no! The poor thing is sick! (This was the first day so I still had some sympathy)

We’ve been fighting off one bug or another between all three kids for almost two weeks now, and let me tell you I’ve had it. I’m exhausted and I’m worn out (which are totally different) and I’m at the point where the sound of my children’s laughter is grating on my nerves. I want them to just.be.quiet. and leave me alone or so help me I’m going to lose my mind.

Oh, shoot. Now this one, too! Oh well, let's play some games and make the most of it. (Again, I still had a bit of sympathy left at this point)

Yay! This one's feeling better! Let's braid her hair and throw a party because she can go back to school tomorrow!!

 I guess making silly faces can be fun. Let's do that. Whatever.

You know what you get when you combine sick kids home from school + snow days + 26 weeks pregnant + husband being gone 70% of the time + sick momma + general life conundrums? I’ll tell you what you get. You get a mom who is counting the seconds until her kids go to sleep and won’t even let them brush their teeth before heading to bed because oh my gosh just go right now.

Not my proudest mom-ing, but I think it would be safe to say that I’m not the only mom who has felt like this. 

For the love. Everyone feels fine and we get six freaking inches of snow so there's no school. Plus now I feel like crap. Dang kids and their dang nasty germs. TV all day!

Let me be clear: my kids really are great. Well, my seven-year-old is experimenting with the attitude of a teenager from time to time so she sort of sucks sometimes but other than that? Great. But there are three of them and one of me and I’m growing another one! And between Judah’s constant requests for food, Adaleine’s sore throat/fever/cough (God bless this poor girl!), and Eden’s occasional insights into how ridiculous and/or dumb everything is I am just…done.

Son of a...her fever's back. Yeah, she's cute laying there feeling the baby move. But wouldn't she be cuter if she were AT SCHOOL????!!!!

The final straw.You couldn't just hold out, kid?! Just HAD to get sick, didn't ya? Oh, I see you've sneezed snot all over your shirt again. Let me take care of that for you.

So this is me declaring that until the girls go back to school on Monday, I officially don’t care. Wanna watch TV? You bet! Wanna watch another movie? Go for it. You want fast food for dinner? Let’s get on that. You don’t want to brush your teeth? They’re your baby teeth anyway so who really cares!

If you see me or my kids on Monday and we look a little worse for wear, just look away and walk on by. Unless you happen to have chocolate. Then you’d better just hand it over. Momma needs it.