Most of you probably know that my sweet little Adaleine had an accident this past weekend and got some pretty bad burns. She has both arms bandaged, her left hand, and a couple little spots on her back.
I’m not a very demonstrative person. I don’t share my emotions too much, I don’t cry often, and I don’t particularly like being touched most of the time. All that to say that I’m not doing any crying or clinging to my baby girl. I’m not doing any ‘shoulda-woulda-coulda’-ing. It happened and now we just have to do what we can to help her.
But in the days since it happened, I’ve been randomly hit
with little thoughts that have pricked my heart, little stabs of pain that I
have for my little girl. They come at odd times and they’re usually just
fleeting little thoughts. And since I’m not sobbing and spilling my guts to
anyone really, I thought the best way to get through what’s happening to my
sweet girl was to write it all down.
My Sad Moments:
If you’ve ever gotten a real
Adaleine hug, you know that she gives the best squeezes of any kid. Ever.
In the history of the world. But since her arms are bandaged and it hurts her
to bend them, she can’t share those hugs for a while. It might be weeks or
longer, and I’m going to miss them.
Sissy Bell
is in love with the swing set in our
backyard. She could sit out there and swing for hours at a time. While her big
sister runs in and out of the house, Sissy just sits on the swing, talking to Eden when she’s out there
and singing to herself when she’s alone. But with the combination of her left
hand being badly burned and the amount of discomfort any heat and sweat would
cause her, there will be no swinging for a while. She already misses it.
She will have scars on her arms. The way the doctor at the
burn center talked about it, there seemed to be very little doubt. And with Mr. Bug being Hispanic, the scarring may be fairly noticeable. My little Adaleine
has beautiful skin that has been slowly turning a gorgeous dark tan thanks to
her hours on the swing. She has a darker complexion than her big sister, and
that darker tone will probably make the scars that much more distinct. I know
my sweet girl will be okay though. She is a real trooper and roll with the
punches kid. I know that since she’ll grow up with the scars, she’ll be less
self-conscious about them. That all of the friends she’s sure to make will just
see them as part of who she is and accept them along with her big brown eyes
and 1,000-watt smile. But there will be kids along the way that will use those
scars against her, and that makes my heart hurt.
Depending on how her burns heal over the next two to three
weeks, Adaleine may need skin grafts in one or two spots to fully recover. So on
top of the trauma that her little three-and-a-half year old body has already
been through, she will have the added stress of a surgery. The thought of my
baby girl sedated on a hospital bed makes tears sting my eyes.
My wonderful husband blames himself. He was outside with her and
the other kids she was playing with when it happened. He can’t stop seeing the
vision of her being pulled out of the fire pit by the ankles, hair smoking and
eyes closed while she screamed. He is damaged too, and although his pain is
much less visible he’s carrying it around and waiting to heal just the same. And
I can only do so much to help him.
The one thing that I think hurts me the most is how strong
my sweet Adaleine Grace has been through the past few days. She is smiling and
laughing, playing and teasing. My little girl is handling her terrible pain
with more grace than many adults I know probably would. She’s my brave little
Sunshine and I can’t wait for this time to be behind us. Because honestly, no
little girl should have to be brave for too long.