Thursday, June 25, 2015

Oreos & Self-Control (And Why I Need Mind Police)

I have an issue with self-control. It’s not that I don’t have any. I totally do. There are a lot of things I want to say and don’t. There are a lot of things I want to buy and don’t. I wish I could sleep all the time, but I don’t. And even though a 30-minute shower sounds heavenly, I’m very much aware of the fact that my kids usually give me about a 7-minute window. When it comes to food, though…all bets are off.

Here’s the thing: it’s not that I cannot keep myself from eating what I want to eat. That’s not the problem. The problem is wanting not to eat those things.

Take Oreos, for example. (Praise the Lawd for Oreos! Glory, hallelujah!) It’s completely within my power to only eat the recommended serving size of three Oreos—which is ridiculous, by the way—and then just walk away. That is physically possible for me. I hate when people say something like ‘I just can’t stop eating them!’ Yes you can. Just stop. So that’s not my issue.

I will stand there and look at those Oreos {angel chorus} and think Man, I really want more. But I shouldn’t. It’s almost like I can’t stop. But I can stop. I could if I wanted to. But I don’t want to. I can have another Oreo if I want! 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you gain 30 pounds. You talk yourself into it and all of a sudden it feels like you’re standing up for yourself against judgmental cookie police (I don’t know, guys!) and you can be strong in the face of adversity or some crap like that. When what really needed to happen was for you to end the inner conversation at just knowing you shouldn’t eat those dang Oreos.

I’m pretty sure there’s something addictive in the filling. I mean sugar, sure. But I would find it a lot easier to justify my Oreo bingeing if someone could prove that there’s some sort of take-over-your-mind, act-against-your-will substance in it. So, yeah. Someone get on that why don’t ya?