Saturday, January 14, 2012

Confessions of a 28-Year-Old Housewife

Hello out there in blog land! I have been stewing over a few things I’d like to write about and share with—whoever for a while now. Sadly, I have not had regular access to my computer since we decided to move Judah’s bed into the office. At almost ten months old, it’s really time for him to start sleeping through the night. : )

So anyway, that’s why I haven’t been around much lately. But I’ve been thinking about lots of little things that I thought I could just string together and form one long garland of over-sharing. Are you psyched? I’m psyched! I know that sounds dorky (which I've already confessed to being) but my whole goal in starting this little bloggy thing is to be honest. So…yeah. 

These are my confessions (Thank you, Usher)

I hate brushing my teeth. I like having a clean mouth and teeth, but I hate the act of brushing my teeth.

When I put on my apron, I immediately turn into June Cleaver. I don’t care if all I’m doing is dumping Prego out of the jar into the pan. I’m June Freaking Cleaver!

Being a female is hard. Fact. Making new female friends is hard. When you’re trying to get to know new women, it can often feel like you’re applying for a ‘friend’ position and no one’s hiring. 

My kids are really cute. I honestly think my kids are pretty much the cutest kids pretty much ever and that should be generally acknowledged. : ) 

I think I’ve shared this before, but I truly never intended to be a mother, let alone a stay-at-home mom. I pictured myself out in the career-driven world kicking butt and taking names. Which is weird, because I’m soooo not kicking anyone’s butt. (Unless they cut in line at Panera. That’s just gonna get them hurt.) 

I love making desserts. Anything with cream cheese. Or chocolate. Or peanut butter. I also love bread. And chocolate. And peanut butter.  

Speaking of food, I eat cake and brownie batter like nobody’s business. Salmonella’s not a real thing.  

In my humble opinion, showering every single day is overkill. Brush your teeth every day? Absolutely. Change your undies? You betcha. Apply fresh deodorant? Certainly. But showering requires an effort that includes re-lotioning my whole body, finding a whole new ‘outfit’ for the day, deciding whether or not I’m going to do my hair, etc. All that effort seems wasted when there are days when I don’t leave the house at all. 

It drives me nuts when someone’s hair is in their face and they do nothing to remove it. I literally have to keep myself from brushing it back.  

I’m pretty sure Julia Roberts and I could become really good friends if we had the chance. She’s pretty down-to-earth, right? I’ll bet she’s in the market for a shorter, chubby friend to stand next to her in pictures. And it would really help my confidence if I could get her to laugh every once in a while. She’s got a great laugh. I heart her. : ) 

I occasionally drink milk out of the carton. Not often and not recently, but it’s happened and I just thought I’d put that out there. Just keeping it real. 

Having babies is not kind to your bladder. I’ll leave it at that. 

Having babies is not kind to your butt, thighs, belly, chest, face, etc. But especially your bladder. 

I have a handful of good friends, but I can only talk about bodily functions candidly with my sisters. 

Since having kids, I spend an amazing amount of time talking about poop, vomit, and, oddly enough, dragons. Those three topics take up a lot of air time. 

On that topic, the girls recently went to spend the weekend with their grandparents. On their return my mother-in-law joked that I must spend a lot of time wiping bottoms throughout the day. That got me thinking. Then I got bummed out and ate something sweet. It’s all kind of a blur from there.  

I get a little thrill when I pass someone in the car after changing lanes. I even mutter “Sucka!” under my breath at them sometimes. : ) 

Extreme Couponing makes me want to extreme coupon. Some of those women are nuts. But some of them are awesoooooommmmme.

Nothing too scandalous there, right? I mean, who wouldn’t beat up someone who cuts in line at Panera? And if we’re being honest I think we’d all admit that we l-o-v-e passing someone who chose the slow lane.

And that wraps up my over-sharing garland session. I feel so liberated! : )

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