Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Edited Prayer

As most of you know, my little Miss Eden went to kindergarten last week. Now, you know that I’m not a terribly emotional person since I spelled that out in detail last week. (Stupid cotton ball!) But something that you may not know about me is that I’m a worrier. Not a warrior like Xena the warrior princess—although how cool would that be?!—but as in ‘I can’t sleep at night because I’m thinking about what I would say if I had to call 911 to tell them someone’s in my house because I may or may not have heard a random noise downstairs’ worrier. Yeah, that happened last week. One of the joys of being me : )

Eden at about three weeks
Anywho, I was up and getting ready before taking Eden to her first day of school last week and I was praying the whole time. Toward the beginning of the morning somewhere around the shower/washing face stage the prayer went something like this:

“Dear God, please let all the kids like her. Please let her not be scared. Don’t let her be embarrassed ever, don’t let any kids make fun of her, don’t let her try too hard and feel silly. Please help her to learn quickly and not struggle with schoolwork. Please help her teacher to like her, please help her to understand all that’s going on, and please help her to be happy!”

With Papa on her first birthday
But somewhere around putting my makeup on and eating breakfast I got to thinking. Is that really what I want for my girl? Do I want all the kids to like her? Do I really want schoolwork to be easy for her? Is her happiness really what my ultimate goal should be? I mean, obviously I want my daughter to be happy, but should that be my top priority? Honestly, it was pretty heavy stuff for 7:00 in the morning.

At the rehearsal for my sister's wedding
I thought a bit and decided to edit my prayers for my little Eden. They started sounding more like this:

“Dear God, as hard as it is for me to fathom, I know that you love Eden even more than I do. But I know that you gave me this little girl to watch over and protect, so here is what I ask for her. Please help her to find one good friend that will stick by her side and take her through the hard times. Please give her just enough fear to require bravery. Please give her a (small!) taste of embarrassment, so she will be compassionate to others and defend them when she sees others picking on them. Help her to remember that sometimes she’s going to look silly. That life will be so much more enjoyable if she can find the humor in those situations rather than become bitter and angry. Please make her schoolwork challenging but not impossible so that she’ll appreciate the knowledge she works for. Please help her to respect and serve her teacher in a way that will honor you even if she feels like she’s not the favorite, because she will not always be everyone’s favorite. And lastly, please help my Eden to be content with all that you have given her and all that you have in store for her. Help her to write her story and be proud of it.”

Three years old!
Four years old at Nana & Papa's
As I dropped her off that morning these thoughts kept running through my head. My little Eden—my delight—off in the real world. Kindergarten isn’t the same as dropping her off at college and driving away, but the little lady she learns to be now is the woman I’ll be dropping off in thirteen or so years. And I’m looking forward to living this life with that sweet, strong and brave girl. My Eden.

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