Do you ever feel like all you’re doing is failing? Like you’re pedaling so hard but still rolling steadily backward?
I see other moms out who have all their kids in clean clothes with hair done and smiling. And the mom herself is in good shape with cute clothes, great hair and a smile on her face. And she sits down and feels her kids something stupid like veggies and hummus with fruit from her garden for dessert.
Then I look at my little crew with their dirty nails, scraggly/frizzy hair and mismatched clothing (“But Mommy! I want to pick out my clothes!”). And me with my belly hanging over my almost-too-small jeans, hair in my standard messy ponytail, and bags under my eyes. Telling my kids that if they don’t finish their lunch (corn dogs) they won’t get dessert (ice cream). And I think: where did I go wrong?
I know that mom has other battles. I get that. But still.
I wake up and feel guilty for what I give my kids for breakfast. I feel guilty that I let them watch a show in the morning. That I just want them to be quiet for a bit and let me wake up. That I don’t want to play a made-up game that doesn’t have any actual rules and never ends.
The problem I see is that there are just so many ways to fail. I fail at eating healthy foods and feeding them to my kids. I fail at losing weight. I fail at budgeting. I fail at yard work. I fail at keeping our vehicles clean and in good order. Being understanding with my husband. Being understanding with my kids. Being a good friend. Not praying enough. Not reading my Bible
ever enough. Not figuring out how to use my
new camera. Not keeping my house clean enough. I fail at keeping up with
laundry. Keeping up with dishes. Calling family. Reading to my kids. Making sure
my soon-to-be-kindergartener knows her freaking alphabet. Looking like a decent
human being when I leave the house.
These are all just off the top of my head! I could keep going. I know a lot of this is expectations I set for myself—thank you, Mom’s Night Out—but I still see falling short of those as a failure.
The point that I guess I’m trying to make is that I’m struggling. I have no words of advice. This is a battle I’m fighting. I just wanted to put my digital pen to paper and let it be known that there is someone here who is in the thick of this. If you end up reading this and any of what I said sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Let’s fail together. I’ll bring brownies.