Monday, May 26, 2014


Do you ever feel like all you’re doing is failing? Like you’re pedaling so hard but still rolling steadily backward?

I see other moms out who have all their kids in clean clothes with hair done and smiling. And the mom herself is in good shape with cute clothes, great hair and a smile on her face. And she sits down and feels her kids something stupid like veggies and hummus with fruit from her garden for dessert.

Then I look at my little crew with their dirty nails, scraggly/frizzy hair and mismatched clothing (“But Mommy! I want to pick out my clothes!”). And me with my belly hanging over my almost-too-small jeans, hair in my standard messy ponytail, and bags under my eyes. Telling my kids that if they don’t finish their lunch (corn dogs) they won’t get dessert (ice cream). And I think: where did I go wrong?

I know that mom has other battles. I get that. But still.

I wake up and feel guilty for what I give my kids for breakfast. I feel guilty that I let them watch a show in the morning. That I just want them to be quiet for a bit and let me wake up. That I don’t want to play a made-up game that doesn’t have any actual rules and never ends.

The problem I see is that there are just so many ways to fail. I fail at eating healthy foods and feeding them to my kids. I fail at losing weight. I fail at budgeting. I fail at yard work. I fail at keeping our vehicles clean and in good order. Being understanding with my husband. Being understanding with my kids. Being a good friend. Not praying enough. Not reading my Bible ever enough. Not figuring out how to use my new camera. Not keeping my house clean enough. I fail at keeping up with laundry. Keeping up with dishes. Calling family. Reading to my kids. Making sure my soon-to-be-kindergartener knows her freaking alphabet. Looking like a decent human being when I leave the house.

These are all just off the top of my head! I could keep going. I know a lot of this is expectations I set for myself—thank you, Mom’s Night Out—but I still see falling short of those as a failure.

The point that I guess I’m trying to make is that I’m struggling. I have no words of advice. This is a battle I’m fighting. I just wanted to put my digital pen to paper and let it be known that there is someone here who is in the thick of this. If you end up reading this and any of what I said sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Let’s fail together. I’ll bring brownies.


  1. This is my first time reading your blog and this post hit home. I am a Mom to a 13 month old and we are in the thick of it. All of it. Everyone told me it would take some time to get back to a routine after your first, but I never realized it would be this difficult. I wholeheartedly understand every single word you typed. I use to blog, but haven't in roughly 13 months. I use to have a clean house, now it is embarrassingly crazy. I started a diet plan before the holidays but "took a break" - now bathing suit season has arrived and I feel horrible since I am still carrying "baby weight" (at what point can I no longer call it baby weight?!?). Our budget use to be on point, now I go months without balancing a checking. Our yard is a mess, my car is trashed - even though I promised my husband I would keep my new car clean, and I never feel like I put myself together like I should. So, you are right. You're not alone either. We are failing together. Maybe we can get back on the right track together too!

    1. Thank you for being there with me! I've been really blessed and encouraged by those around me responding to this post and it makes me feel...normal. (That may be the first time I've ever called myself 'normal') :) I am sooo with you on the house and budget and car and the list goes on! Side note: my son is 3 1/2 and I'm still calling it baby weight. It's a total lie at this point but I'm hanging on to denial! ;)