Monday, March 5, 2012

Nice to Meet Me

I’m like that evil robot that Syndrome built in The Incredibles. I have become self-aware. I don’t know how else to describe the amazing thing that has happened to me except to say this: things are starting to make sense.

I know I’m building this up to be some amazing and meaningful thing and you’re probably expecting something like a religious awakening or finding my long-lost twin. Nothing like that, but I promise that it will actually be life-changing in a much more superficial way. : )

It all started a couple of weeks ago when I went shopping for shoes. If you know me at all you know that I did this out of necessity and not any kind of ‘shopping is fun’ mentality. I loathe shopping for myself.

Long story short, the hubs and I schlepped all three kiddos around to roughly six shoe stores one Friday afternoon looking for some comfortable, non ‘Mom’ looking shoes that I could feel good in. At the end of the day, I ended up with a pair of shoes that were really comfortable but really ugly that I was already planning on returning the next day. And it got me thinking.

Why was I having such a hard time finding a stupid pair of shoes? Why was it causing me to question my own perception of my self-worth? I know this sounds crazy, but I was having a really rough time of it. To be fair I may have been a little bit hormonal, but that’s beside the point.

Landon and I talked about it while we prepared dinner that night. Why at the age of 28 am I still trying to define my sense of who I am? I see people all over the place that seem comfortable in their skin and in what they’re wearing. I feel pretentious when I put on a necklace that doesn’t have sentimental value. I feel vain when I wear more than my standard minimal makeup. And I would rather wear a T-shirt, jeans and sneakers than put on anything that makes me look like I’m trying too hard. Why? Because in my mind that would mean I was trying too hard. Blarg!

So I’ve been kind of mulling that over in my head since then and going on with my daily life. I decided that my kitchen chairs need to be recovered and I really can’t put it off any longer. The padding is actually starting to inch out from under the fabric that tore roughly six months ago. Don’t judge me. Don’t you dare judge me! (Name that movie!)

Again with the schlepping of the wee ones around for an afternoon, this time from Hancock Fabrics to JoAnn Fabrics. I realized I was repeatedly drawn to the materials with shades of blue and green and ultimately decided on a colorful and slightly crazy print for my kitchen chairs. I got the fabric home and the most amazing thing happened. I saw it everywhere! I had been picking blue and green for myself for such a long time and never realized it. : )

The reason this is so exciting for me is simple and stupid at the same time. It has given me a little boost of confidence. I feel like I’ve gotten to know myself a little bit better. And it’s only taken me 28 years to get acquainted. Ah, well. Such is life! : )

Here are a few snapshots of my self-awakening. Enjoy!

Here is the fabric I chose for my kitchen chairs. Bad picture, I know : )

Washcloths I bought for no reason whatsoever
Notebook I got myself for church notes.
Brita pitcher I bought about 6-8 months ago
Clipboard I bought in early 2011
Saw this owl at TJ Maxx and couldn't leave without it! And even the tissue box!
'Art' I made for our living room a few years ago
Kitchen art I bought in early 2011
Decorations in the kiddos' bedroom
Picture in the kiddos bedroom
More kiddo bedroom art
Changing pad I bought before Judah was born
Sneakers I bought almost five years ago. (Yes, I know they should be more worn out than that. Just shut your piehole)

1 comment:

  1. i really relate about the make up, dressing nicer than a t-shirt and jeans thing, looking like i'm trying too hard, etc. I've been having somewhat of a wake up myself-- I've come to the conclusion that it's ok to wear jeans and a tshirt and be totally comfortable, and it's ok to dress it up a bit with fun make up, and a shirt that actually has a style to it and accept myself as someone that's nice looking and confident... it shouldn't be this hard to know ourselves- so weird. AND on another note, i have no judgement for your underused sneakers. :)