I’m generally pretty regular in that area. Not necessarily always to the day, but more often than not I know what’s coming, if you know what I mean. : ) Plus, since I had Judah, I’ve been getting really—girly every time I’m about to start. I hate it. I get all emotional and weepy and snappy and mean. Just ask the fam. It ain't pretty.
With the past couple days and being just a little bit late, I've had all these “What if?” thoughts running through my mind. I kept thinking if I really am pregnant, what do I do? Not in regards to the pregnancy; I wouldn’t consider ending the pregnancy just because I didn’t want another baby. I mean just as far as telling people.
|This is Mr. Bug and I right before I was induced with Eden. I was so swollen!! We were so young!!!|
I have made it very clear to anyone who asks that I do not want another baby. I am aware that this statement in itself is very selfish and arrogant. I have a good friend who would love to have another baby. I have a sister who has struggled getting pregnant as well. There are countless women out there who would love to have a baby to love and hold and here I can’t help but wince at the thought of having another baby.
|My little Adaleine was only a couple of weeks old in the picture. Such a sweetie : )|
What would I say? I know I would get many ‘funny’ comments such as “You know what causes that, right?” and things like that. And I would have to laugh along with them even though I’d want to make a rude comment. I know that people, my family especially, would think without saying it that we’re foolish and irresponsible to get pregnant again. That I’m overwhelmed enough as it is and that it would simply be too much.
|Just a week or two before I had Judah. I was as big as a house. A very big house. With a three-car garage.|
|Our little family on Mother's Day a couple of months after Judah Bear was born|
I know I will need to take care of all of it soon or I’m going to have a very different result to a pregnancy test. Landon has made it clear that he wouldn’t have a problem with that, and I have made it clear that if that happens he stays home and I go to work. I’m only partly kidding. : )
I have no resolution to this. I’m kind of just spilling my guts to the blogosphere. I figure the more real I am, the more I might connect with a momma out there who might be feeling the same way I do. Mommyhood is hard; I don’t want any of us to feel like we’re going it alone.