Sometimes My Mom Hat is Too Tight for My Awesomeness

Sometimes it’s hard to be a mom. I don’t mean the day-to-day ‘mom-ing’ like changing diapers, wiping bottoms, fixing meals, kissing boo-boos, and ignoring calming whiny kiddos. Although that stuff is definitely challenging.

What I’m talking about is how sometimes it’s really hard to take off the ‘me’ hat and put on the ‘mom’ hat. Like allowing Eden to wear brown socks with an outfit that should not be worn with brown socks. Like allowing Adaleine to continue wearing her socks with the heals up just because it doesn’t bother her and it’s not worth the fight to get her to wear them the right way. (It sounds like I'm obsessed with socks. It's kind of a pet peeve of mine, but I'm handling it.)

I was struck by this thought as the bugs and I were leaving Tarjay this evening. Landon’s birthday is tomorrow and it occurred to me that I hadn’t allowed the girls to have any say in his gifts. So off we went and each of the girls picked out a gift for him, along with a gift bag in which to present it.

I’ll let the pictures tell the next part of the story. : )

Here is Adaleine's gift for Landon.

Add in my gift for the old man. Are you seeing where I'm going here?

Even the gift from my sister for Landon went right along with my little color theme. And then...

BAM! Add Eden's bag to the mix. Kinda hurts your eyes, huh?

You see what happened there? Eden ruined my aesthetic. Yes, I am aware that that makes me sound like a bad mom. But it really rubbed me the wrong way that she chose that stinking red bag. I even went so far as to tell her she couldn’t choose that one and gave her the choice between two other ‘acceptable’ bags.

Then I got to thinking. Did it really matter what color the bag was? No. Would it make the day more memorable to have all matching gift bags? No. Was it worth it to fight with my four-year-old daughter in the gift wrap aisle at The House of Target just so all of the presents would coordinate? No. Son of a biscuit.

As lame as it sounds, I was still thinking about that dang bag as I was driving out of the parking lot. And it occurred to me that sometimes I just want things the way I want them. But as a mom, I can’t always do that. The thing that makes it hard is this: I was ‘me’ long before I was ‘Mom.’ And even though I’ve been ‘Mom’ for going on five years, sometimes it’s hard to exchange hats. If that makes sense.

The cursed bag. : )

I love my kids. I love that they each have their own little quirks and that I will learn more and more about them as they get older. And hopefully I’ll figure out a way to make my ‘mom’ hat fit better. Or at least make it a little more stylish. : )

There Are Pigs Flying Over a Frozen Lake of Fire...

Yes. It’s the end of the world. Life as we know it will never be the same. And here’s why—there is a teeny tiny little glimmer of hope that I might one day be an organized person. I have become completely obsessed with the organizing blog IHeart Organizing. Seriously obsessed. And I am actively trying to put some of her tips to good use in my little abode.



Feast your eyes on this: my junk drawer. Also home to a few lucky kitchen utensils, pens and markers, and other mostly random stuff. This is obviously the ‘before’ picture; if this were the ‘after’ picture the whole post would just make everyone reading it depressed. : )

Also slightly depressing is the countertop directly above this drawer. It is a definite dumping ground for all sorts of things like mail, Eden's school papers, coupons, etc. The thing that’s kind of funny is that I remember setting a stack of papers there on the day we moved in and thinking, “Maybe just dumping this stuff here isn’t such a good idea.” Ah, well. Live and learn. I’ll get to that counter soon.

Anywho, I took about ten minutes last week and emptied out the drawer. After I got all the crap stuff out of it I vacuumed it all out to give myself a clean canvas. I was this close to getting out some pretty wrapping paper to line the drawer with, but I stopped myself. We’re only going to be in this apartment for another month-and-a-half. I don’t want to waste the paper. (Me? Cheap? Why yes. Yes I am.)

After weeding out all the stuff that shouldn’t have been there to begin with and being a little more choosy about what I really need to save (Domino’s parmesan cheese packets anyone?) I started slowly putting things back in.

So here’s what I ended up with: rubber spatulas share space with my can opener and pizza cutter. Mr. Ice Cream Scoop resides nearby, along with my orange peeler, wine opener, and mixing utensils. The outlet plugs are right there in the kitchen so that it’s easy to grab them if I somehow lose one while vacuuming, and those little blue packets are for the kiddos to add to their little water bottles to ‘magically’ turn them into juice. Landon’s iPhone case sleeps in there when it isn’t on his phone, and batteries and playing cards camp there too.

I will be the first to admit that this still seems a little haphazard and random, but it’s a big improvement over where we were. Take a look at the ‘before’ picture again. Seriously. Gives you shivers, doesn’t it?

All that to say that I am trying to be more organized. I don’t have matching baskets and dividers and gorgeous labels for everything (although I’m working on that) but I think that I’m just tired of having stuff tossed everywhere. I may share my progress and I may not, but I will be working on it. : ) Let me know if you have any tips for me! I can use all the help I can get.

My Tough Princess

Yesterday was such a beautiful spring day, so the kiddos and I decided to spend a little bit of our Easter afternoon outside. The apartment that we live in has a really nice playground in the middle of the complex along with sand volleyball and basketball courts. So while Judah and I sat on the bench by the playground equipment, Eden and Adaleine played in the sand a little ways away.

Judah and I sitting on the bench watching the girls play

I was enjoying sitting with Judah and just watching the girls playing for a little bit when I saw Eden running over to me with something cupped in her hands. I immediately had flashes in my head of all the horrible things she might have found. Broken glass, rusty nails, used syringes, human fingers. Yes, I am overly paranoid. And it’s very possible that I’ve watched too many episodes of “The Closer.”

So here comes Miss Eden hollering that she has found something that’s part of nature. As she opened up her hands, I was expecting a dandelion (which they’ve been bringing me quite often lately) and what do I see??

A WORM! A wiggly little dirty worm!

My little ruffles and ribbons girl had a little worm in her hand. The little girl who has to go in and wash her hands every 15 minutes and loves wearing pretty dresses and sparkly princess outfits.

So I guess my little Eden isn’t quite as ‘precious’ as I thought she was. I guess she might be a little bit tougher.

I like to think that I’m fairly tough…maybe she got it from me? : ) I can only hope she hunts down any admirable qualities I might have and pours a little Miracle-Gro on them. She’s got a big future ahead. Many worms worlds to conquer : )

New Look!

I don't expect this to be earth-shattering for anyone, but I updated the look on the blog! I think this one is more 'me.' And since I'm doing my darndest to make sure I'm transparent and honest on here, I think that's a good direction to take.

I hope your week is going well and that you are enjoying the little bits of spring we're experiencing. The girls and I are loving all the blossoming trees! Eden loves the pink (surprise, surprise) and Sissy and I have made a game of spotting dogwood trees around town. She knows they're my favorite. : )

Thursday Afternoon Musings

I have had much on my mind lately that I’ve wanted to write about, but I haven’t because I’ve been tired, lazy, and busy. Or some combination of the three. I don’t have a whole lot to say right now except that I am incredibly blessed. (Yes, I am in a slightly sappy place, which is not how I usually roll.)

I have three beautiful, smart, healthy, and special kiddos that I have done nothing to deserve. I didn’t ever have any trouble getting pregnant—my babies were just given to us with no questions asked. Even when we didn’t know that was what God had in store for us, we had two positive home pregnancy tests and one doctor’s blood test telling us that our family would grow. And any problems that I had during pregnancy or that we dealt with after each one was born were so minor compared the struggles that so many people deal with. Undeserved and unconditional. Amazing.

I have a wonderful, faithful, loving, and smoking hot husband that I would not have believed existed just over ten years ago. He takes care of me and takes care of our family, and I couldn’t ask for more. Even the first time we ever spent time together, he wanted to take care of me. He has been so good for me and to me. I know that I can talk to him about the things that scare me, the things that make me sad, the things that bother me. I laugh with my husband. I can cry with my husband and it doesn’t bother him. (It probably helps that I only cry once every couple of months, but still!)

I have friends and family around me who love us and want to be a part of our lives. This in itself is amazing to me. There are so many people out there, and these wonderful individuals have decided that they enjoy our company. When you think about it, it really is amazing.

I have stumbled onto a few really good blogs lately. It seems like every time I think of something that I want to write about that might do anyone some good to read, I find it already written by someone. Maybe my little blog here will just turn into links to other people’s words. If it’s already been said, why not just round it up, right? : )

Anyway, I hope that this finds you happy and whole and enjoying your life. If you are having dark times, know that even if I can’t possibly understand what you may be going through, you have my heart. I hope you find comfort.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)

Kids, Mommy's Going Insane

Being a mom can be incredibly frustrating. To give you a little taste of what I mean, let me tell you about the goings-on at my house just a couple days ago.

8:50 pm—The girls are in bed! Giving Judah a bath and having visions of my head hitting the pillow sometime before 11:00. That would be quite the victory.

9:45 pm—Finish loading the dishwasher and sit down to give Judah his last feeding of the day.

10:00 pm—Put Judah to bed and sit down on the sofa to relax and unwind for a bit. Catch up on my favorite blogs.

10:40 pm—Get both of the girls up to go potty one last time; discover Eden has wet through her Pull-Up. Clean her up, strip her sheets and find a clean blanket for her bed.

11:00 pm—Judah starts crying. Go in to try to calm him down, which proves to be completely impossible.

11:45 pm—Decide just to feed the little demon child poor little guy and put him back in bed.

12:08 am—Crawl into bed. Pass out cold.

Roughly 7:00 am—Awaken to the sound of my alarm and my two daughters fighting in the living room. Get up and get their breakfast ready.

7:30 am—Eden decides that all she needs to eat for breakfast is orange juice, half of an orange, and exactly three bites of peanut butter toast. Tell her she’ll be hungry soon, but she refuses to eat any more.

7:45 am—Eden says she’s hungry.

Sissy is excited to go to the Children's Museum!

Eden is excited too!

8:15 am—Get the kiddos dressed and ready to hit the Children’s Museum with a friend. Turn on PBS so I can take a shower in peace.

8:30 am—Get sidetracked gathering up all the laundry and taking it over to the second bathroom/laundry holding area. Notice a couple of stains on clothes so I decide to Shout them out.

9:00 am—Realize it’s 9:00 am and we have to leave in roughly 30 minutes. Take a mega-fast shower and get ready to go.

9:25 am—Toss diapers and snacks into Eden’s backpack to take with us to the museum and head out the door.

9:26 am—Realize Judah has pooped his diaper. Go back inside and change him while assuring the girls that yes, we are still going to the Children’s Museum.

9:34 am—Pull out of the apartment parking lot and hear Eden in the backseat mentioning that she’s still hungry. Ignore her.

9:52 am—Arrive downtown and start looking for a parking spot. I have somehow forgotten that I need to have change for the meters, so I go to the parking garage. It’s full. Of course it is. Ask the girls to please stop asking if I know where I’m going and suggest they play the quiet game.

10:01 am—We are now officially late. I drive a few blocks down to park in a different garage and get up to the fourth level before finding an open spot. Reconsider the parking garage and decide whether or not I really care if I get a ticket for not plugging the meter.

10:08 am—Beg the nice man at the garage booth to break my $20 bill and give me quarters for the meter. Tell him we’re going to the Children’s Museum and I’ve completely forgotten any change. He laughs in a very understanding way and I decide he must be married and listen to his wife tell him stories like this all the time.

10:15 am—Finally arrive at the Children’s Museum, pay $22.47 to get in, spot our friends and get our play on.

Astronaut Eden!

Astronaut Adaleine!

Astro--er, Adorable Judah!

10:49 am—Eden wets her pants. Apologize to the museum workers and tell a sobbing Adaleine that we’ll come back another time. Walk back to the van with a crying Adaleine, waddling Eden, and sleeping Judah in tow.

10:56 am—Undress Eden at our parking spot, which just so happens to be smack dab in front of a barber shop. One where the chairs point toward the window so that you can look out at the street and see a lady trying to load one sobbing, one sopping, and one sleeping kid into her vehicle. Freaking awesome.

11:14 am—Head home and decide today is a bust. Let’s just call it what it is and move on.

There’s a brief snippet of how being a mom can be completely exhausting. Now, I know that I am beyond blessed to be entrusted with three healthy and amazing children. It goes without saying that I love them all dearly and will do everything in my power to protect them.

But sometimes it really doesn’t do any good to hear some lady talk about how amazing it is to be a mom. Because the truth is, sometimes it’s just hard. Sometimes all you can do is count down the minutes until bedtime because you can’t listen to any more whining about how so-and-so doesn’t like broccoli, or someone is staring at her sister, or someone’s bed is not “comfety.”

Sometimes you just want that moment of silence where you celebrate the fact that you’ve survived another day. No one has been seriously hurt, everyone is present and accounted for, and they all know that you love them (but if they get out of bed again you’re going to be very disappointed.)

And then you can watch Footloose without having to feel guilty. Those dishes will be there tomorrow. And maybe you’ll have a more successful day. After all, it’s school pajama day. What could possibly go wrong? : )

Eden has Pajama Day at preschool, so Sissy and Judah may or may not rock their PJs today too. What? They're clean! : )

Nice to Meet Me

I’m like that evil robot that Syndrome built in The Incredibles. I have become self-aware. I don’t know how else to describe the amazing thing that has happened to me except to say this: things are starting to make sense.

I know I’m building this up to be some amazing and meaningful thing and you’re probably expecting something like a religious awakening or finding my long-lost twin. Nothing like that, but I promise that it will actually be life-changing in a much more superficial way. : )

It all started a couple of weeks ago when I went shopping for shoes. If you know me at all you know that I did this out of necessity and not any kind of ‘shopping is fun’ mentality. I loathe shopping for myself.

Long story short, the hubs and I schlepped all three kiddos around to roughly six shoe stores one Friday afternoon looking for some comfortable, non ‘Mom’ looking shoes that I could feel good in. At the end of the day, I ended up with a pair of shoes that were really comfortable but really ugly that I was already planning on returning the next day. And it got me thinking.

Why was I having such a hard time finding a stupid pair of shoes? Why was it causing me to question my own perception of my self-worth? I know this sounds crazy, but I was having a really rough time of it. To be fair I may have been a little bit hormonal, but that’s beside the point.

Landon and I talked about it while we prepared dinner that night. Why at the age of 28 am I still trying to define my sense of who I am? I see people all over the place that seem comfortable in their skin and in what they’re wearing. I feel pretentious when I put on a necklace that doesn’t have sentimental value. I feel vain when I wear more than my standard minimal makeup. And I would rather wear a T-shirt, jeans and sneakers than put on anything that makes me look like I’m trying too hard. Why? Because in my mind that would mean I was trying too hard. Blarg!

So I’ve been kind of mulling that over in my head since then and going on with my daily life. I decided that my kitchen chairs need to be recovered and I really can’t put it off any longer. The padding is actually starting to inch out from under the fabric that tore roughly six months ago. Don’t judge me. Don’t you dare judge me! (Name that movie!)

Again with the schlepping of the wee ones around for an afternoon, this time from Hancock Fabrics to JoAnn Fabrics. I realized I was repeatedly drawn to the materials with shades of blue and green and ultimately decided on a colorful and slightly crazy print for my kitchen chairs. I got the fabric home and the most amazing thing happened. I saw it everywhere! I had been picking blue and green for myself for such a long time and never realized it. : )

The reason this is so exciting for me is simple and stupid at the same time. It has given me a little boost of confidence. I feel like I’ve gotten to know myself a little bit better. And it’s only taken me 28 years to get acquainted. Ah, well. Such is life! : )

Here are a few snapshots of my self-awakening. Enjoy!

Here is the fabric I chose for my kitchen chairs. Bad picture, I know : )



Washcloths I bought for no reason whatsoever

Notebook I got myself for church notes.

Brita pitcher I bought about 6-8 months ago

Clipboard I bought in early 2011

Saw this owl at TJ Maxx and couldn't leave without it! And even the tissue box!

'Art' I made for our living room a few years ago

Kitchen art I bought in early 2011

Decorations in the kiddos' bedroom

Picture in the kiddos bedroom

More kiddo bedroom art

Changing pad I bought before Judah was born

Sneakers I bought almost five years ago. (Yes, I know they should be more worn out than that. Just shut your piehole)