A Little Bit Dark...

I know I need to get my act together and put together a post about Judah’s birthday party, and I’m going to. I just thought I’d sit down and do a little venting/whining/sharing first.

I had a bit of a rough day today. Actually if I’m being completely honest, I’ve had a ‘rough day’ for pretty much the last few weeks straight. I don’t know exactly what’s going on that’s got me so tangled and wound up; I just haven’t been handling my life well lately.

Last week, Adaleine had a potty accident (which is frustrating in itself) and I ran upstairs to get her a clean pair of panties. When I walked into the closet that the kiddos share, I found clothes all over the place. Clean clothes, dirty clothes, clothes that should have been in storage bags that had been outgrown…I lost it. I swore and threw—that’s right, THREW—the chair out of the closet and into their bedroom. Landon came running upstairs to see what had happened. Of course the idea that his wife was throwing a royal hissy fit didn’t immediately occur to him. Once he got up there I proceeded to unload on him, shouting that I was sick and tired of picking up (curse curse curse) and that these stinking kids were driving me absolutely crazy! What can I say? Mom of the Year, right here.

Sadly, that hasn’t been my only incident lately. I’m muttering to myself when the kids aren’t around about being sick of their whining, I’m reaching the end of my daily supply of patience around lunchtime, and I’m snapping at Landon left and right.

This morning I made one of the afore-mentioned ‘quit your whining’ comments under my breath and he said to me, “Be nice.” Not what I needed, dude. My immediate response? “Don’t give me that self-righteous ‘Be nice’ crap.” And I walked out of the bedroom. Less than ten minutes later I yelled at him—in front of the kids—about how he seems to have such a problem remembering to take the salt back into the kitchen from the living room. What a loving and wonderful wife, am I right?

There are a couple of reasons I feel like I’m losing my cool. Or just completely lost it.

The first is that I’m worn out. I’m tired. I’m on duty 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and I’m exhausted. I have at least one child coming in to my bedroom every. single. night. I haven’t slept a solid seven hours in…how old are my kids? My husband has absolutely no set schedule, so I can’t have a night out with friends and I haven’t even gotten to have a date with my stinking husband since January.

The other highly probable reason for my absence of awesome is good old anger. I was thinking about this today as I put another load of laundry away in the crazy kid closet. I looked at the mess and chaos and just got mad. And I sat there and thought about it. I was angry. Ugly angry. I was angry at my children for making such a mess. I was angry at my husband for being gone all the time. Angry at myself for being lazy. Then the anger grew; it morphed and it included so much more. I brought up more anger. I was angry that I went to a baby shower last weekend. I was angry that neither my sisters nor my mom ever threw me a baby shower. Six years ago. I’ve been hanging onto that one for a while. I’m angry that my husband is such a better parent than I am. I’m angry that I’ve gained so much weight. I’m angry that I’m at home all the time. Angry that I don’t just DO what I want to do. I don’t write like I want to. I’m angry that we’re stupid with our money. Angry about not having good friends. Angry about other people having good friends when I don’t. Angry, angry, angry.

All of this anger festered in me for a few minutes while I sat there putting away little shirts and little socks. Little undies and little skirts. Little dresses and little PJs. I would like to say that I let it go and felt some resolution, but that would be a lie. After thinking about it for those few minutes I just rounded all that anger back up and shoved it back down. I’m apparently an anger hoarder. I know I need to deal with it all, but I’m not sure how and I’m not sure if I’m ready.

Then the knowledge and truth that I’ve been taught all my life starts to creep in on me. I’m holding onto dark. I’m holding onto bitter, to angry, to jealous, to ugly. I’m holding onto those things with one hand while desperately reaching for beauty with the other. I’ve been in a wonderful Life Group (like a Bible study group) with some beautiful women for a couple of months now. We’ve been connecting and finding truths together. I’ve been learning and reconnecting with my faith, and maybe this is why I’m having such a hard time.

I don’t know if I’m making sense, but I’ve always been told that if our enemy doesn’t see us as a threat, he’ll leave us alone. The past few weeks I’ve been waking up my heart again to all that my Lord wants to teach me. What if, in waking up my heart to God’s truths, I’ve awakened a fear in my enemy? What if I’m finally a threat to him and he’s doing what he can to send darkness my way and throw dirt in my eyes? I love this saying that I found a while ago:

 

 

Am I becoming someone that is to be feared? Feared and therefore—attacked? Let me tell you, I have felt attacked these past few weeks. I’ve felt battle-weary and worn. But it’s also encouraging to think of in this light: if I’m to be feared by the enemy of my God, that means that HE can do dangerous things through me. HE. The warrior and ruler and ultimate victor. Thinking of it that way has lightened my load this afternoon and evening. The truth is if He has something for me to do, then I am unashamedly scared-out-of-my-mind excited to see what that could be.  And I’m hoping that will help me when I feel that dark anger creeping in next time. To see it for what it is: just a fog meant to take away from the sunshine that my Lord has waiting for me to claim.

This is another little something I saw a number of months ago on one of my favorite blogs, The Handmade Home:

Thank you for reading. Thank you for sticking with me through this little rant. I’m hoping as I always am that this post will find someone in the same place. That it will offer encouragement and let you know that you’re not dealing with this crazy life alone.  Good night. : )

Judah Bear is Two!

Today is Judah’s second birthday! I can hardly believe my little man is already two years old! This boy has been such a blessing to me over the past two years that I sincerely cannot imagine our lives without his bright smile and sweet voice.

I am now going to unload a TON of pictures for you to enjoy. This is our boy and we are so blessed.

 

This is during the home stretch with Judah. I was so huge and there were so many crazy aspects to our lives in those final months of pregnancy!

 

Our boy. Born at 5:35 PM on Saturday, March 19 2011. He weighed 6 lbs, 13 oz.

 

All together! When Eden held him for the first time, Landon told her to tell him when she was ready for him to take him back and she said, "I don't think I'll ever need to let go of him." *Sigh*

 

With Great-Grandpa Bauer

 

Sissy was so excited to have a baby brother!

 

Two Months Old!

 

Catching some rays :)

 

With Daddy

 

Halloween 2011

 

"Really, Mom? Another picture?"

 

"I love doing dishes!" Said no one ever.

 

First Birthday!

 

By the hammer of Thor!

 

My handsome men

 

Judah and Sissy: bestest friends

 

Goooooooooo Biiiiiiiiig Reeeeeeeeeeed! GO BIG RED!

 

Just playing in the mud. 'Sup.

 

Using The Force on Daddy

 

Late-night snuggles

 

Halloween 2012

 

Fixing the hinge on the playroom door. He's a busy guy.

 

Me and The Boy

 

The Flash

 

Avengers Assemble!!

 

Cruising through the mall, picking up chicks

 

Someone found the Princess stickers!

 

We love our boy so much! Happy birthday Judah Bear! Can't wait to see what God has in store for you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Party Planning: Judah's Transportation Birthday

Alrighty, folks. Judah’s birthday is in less than two weeks and it’s party planning time! After much careful thought and consideration, I decided to go with a transportation theme for The Boy’s second birthday party. He loves “cas” (cars), “cucks” (trucks), and anything else with wheels. So I’m buzzing around and thinking of (aka – searching Pinterest) fun options for his party. Here are some of the ideas I’m thinking of stealing using. : )

 

For the invitations, there were a bunch that I found that I thought were so cute and clever, but since I was making them myself again on my sister's program, I decided to go with something fairly simple. This cute one off Etsy was my jumping-off point:

 

 

I tweaked it a little bit to make it easier for me to make and read, but it's essentially the same idea. The one on Etsy is super cute and is actually a really reasonable price ($1 per invite) so if you don't have a program to make one I'd take the plunge and order from them. I just had the program at my disposal so I decided to go for it myself. I'll show you my finished invitation in a couple of weeks hopefully.

 

Next on my list of things to think about is decor. I honestly have very few details ironed out in this area but I know I'm hoping to use traffic signs around the party like this and hopefully use trains or trucks in my food display like this.

 

 

 

For behind the food table I've downloaded this printable banner to hang from a plane like a sky-writer. I saw the idea here. Shameless copier. That's what I am.  

 

 

 

 

 I've got a few more ideas up my sleeve, but that gives you an idea of where I'm at. Honestly I am having the hardest time getting myself to work on this party, but I refuse to let Judah have a lame party. As the third-born, he's going to have enough issues as it is. : ) I'll be back with pictures and more fun stuff after the party. Wish me luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Know You're a Stay-at-Home Mom When...

These golden little nuggets have been rolling around in my head for a while now, so I thought I’d put together a list and share them with you. I present to you:

 

You Know You’re a Stay-at-Home Mom When…

 

*a solo trip to Wal-Mart is the equivalent to a day at the spa

 

The elusive purse in the baby seat, sighted only on rare trips without children

 

*you regularly sit down on the toilet seat and realize too late it’s been…piddled on

*eating Velveeta shells and cheese rather than plain ol’ Kraft feels fancy

 

 

*you automatically select Netflix for Kids, even after the little munsters are in bed

*’a long shower’ is roughly 7 minutes long

*you are more excited for a snow day than your kids are

 

 

*’sleeping in’ includes anything past 7:00 AM

*your popular Google searches include the words ‘poop,’ ‘vomit,’ or ‘how to tell if your child is the antichrist’

 

 

*the seat cushion of your vehicle is perfectly molded to your behind

*wearing yoga pants and sneakers makes you feel athletic

*you hate the parents who bring Play-Doh as a gift to birthday parties

 

*on the rare occasion you’re in the car by yourself, even a quiet radio seems too loud

*you have passionate feelings about your Crockpot

 

 

*when searching for a new topic of conversation, your child’s recent bowel movement seems like a perfectly acceptable option

*you have a Pinterest board dedicated to school lunch ideas

 

*you eat more Goldfish crackers than any grown woman should

*childcare options are the first thing to pop into your head any time a friend suggests an adults-only activity

*a neatly organized calendar gets you all hot and bothered 

 

 

*you can identify any kids show by the first three notes of its annoying theme song

*you’re aware of how strange it is for you to like Tangled as much as your daughters and you simply don’t care 

*you can hear a pacifier fall out of the crib on the top floor from the basement

 

 

 

*’Pajama Day’ is your favorite day of the week

*an uninterrupted trip to the bathroom is your own version of Utopia 

 

 

*laundry is—without question—your arch nemesis

*you regularly wake up with multiple people in your bed in a very non-kinky way

 

 

 

*the only difference between a day when you’re sick and a day when you’re not is … okay there’s no difference

*you’ve been mentally adding to this list as you read

 

I know I didn’t get them all! What are some of yours?? Share with me : )

 

My Entry Wall: It Makes Me Happy : )

You may have noticed I’ve had a little bit of the craft/décor bug lately. I made some Christmas gifts, repurposed Judah’s old crib spring into a memo board inspired by The Handmade Home, shared my Toy Story Halloween costume attempt, and then last week I linked up to Young House Love and Bower Power’s Pinterest challenge with my spring wreath. What can I say? It goes in spurts. : )

I want to share another one with you today (if you don’t mind) that I’m so excited about. As in, ‘I go and look at that wall just to see how good it looks several times a day’ excited. Yes, I am a nerd. No, I do not plan to change.

In our house, there’s a big blank wall right when you walk in the front door. We really enjoy having people over and I wanted that wall to make a statement. Here is what it looked like before with a bunch of small pictures and a book page mirror I made from my sister’s discarded Confessions of a Shopaholic book. : ) Use whatcha got, right??

 

Also, I didn’t tidy up that area before taking the picture so you can see my coffee mug, and Mr. Bug’s watch on the buffet, the bag still wrapped around the newly-purchased lamp, and some kind of train toy on the floor. And this was a good day. Housekeeping is not my strong suit!

Here’s a better picture of the lamps I bought to use here. (Thank you, tax return!!) I really like the bases and the fact that they’re simple and clean but still have some shine to them. They’ll also be really versatile so that I can move them around to other rooms if I want to in the future. I did not, however, love the pattern on the shades. I am not on the ‘animal print’ train even a little bit. It’s just not me. But since they were a perfect drum shade (not tapered toward the top), I knew I could recover them and just picked up some fabric at the same time I bought the lamps. Hobby Lobby truly is your one-stop shopping center!

I tackled the lampshades before really doing anything to the décor on the buffet. I initially thought I would need to use a spray adhesive to apply the fabric to the shades, but in the end I went with what I know best and busted out the glue gun. I was the tiniest bit worried about being able to see beads of hot glue kind of poking up here and there under the fabric, but if you make sure to press the fabric on right away and flatten out the glue, there shouldn’t be any problem. I used my pinking shears to trim the fabric along the edges before gluing it on the top and bottom to make sure it didn’t fray. Here they are all finished and pretty.

 

 

Then I tackled the wall. Not literally, although by this time I had had two cups of coffee which is waaay too much for this mama. I brought in a couple of frames that I had sitting around and switched the paper mirror…thing for an ‘S’ monogram I made a few years ago for our house in Kearney. I was glad to finally find a place for the name plaque my sister got us for our anniversary last June and I loved being able to add our wedding picture into the mix.

 

It took a while (and a few picture texts to my sister for input) but I finally got an arrangement I liked. Then my wonderful husband helped me get it all up just the way I wanted. ‘Cause he’s the shiz. : )

Thar she blows! Doesn’t it look pretty? I’m so happy with it and I really dig the way the pop of color on the lamps brightens it all up. (My apologies for saying ‘dig.’ It won’t happen again.) The items on the buffet itself were mostly things I had. The glass apothecary jar was a TJ Maxx find for $4.50! Since taking these pictures I have filled it up with sparkly Easter eggs and my girls thinks it’s pretty great. Hmm. Now that I'm looking at this picture, someone should do something about those cords hanging down... Ah, well.

One thing I am trying to remember and that I actually said to my husband as we were trying to find an arrangement we liked was this idea from The Nester: it doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful. I need to refinish the buffet and I now know I need to do something about those cords. : ) I know my little entryway isn’t perfect and that I’m not winning any design awards, but it’s my favorite spot in the home right now. It feels very ‘me,’ and that’s so nice to look up and see at the end of the day.