Confessions of a 29-Year-Old Housewife

I realized recently that it’s been a year since I wrote a Confessions post and decided I was due for another one. I mean, what am I here for if it’s not to share my awkwardness with you to make yourself feel better?

Ready? Ready? Ready? Okay, here we go. Let the oversharing commence!

Sometimes instead of walking between rooms I do a funny hop or dorky run. I figure that burns like an extra 3,000 calories per day, so my brownie batter obsession is okay.

When I was younger and my parents owned a little café I used to earn my allowance by sweeping. And I was pretty sure I rocked at it. I had aspirations of going on to win some kind of ‘Sweep ‘Til You Drop’ contest. Unfortunately, I never saw any kind of entry information for such a display of unbridled awesomeness, so my dreams of a broomstick trophy to put on my mantel have yet to be realized. Also I don’t have a mantel.

I’m going through the Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred with a friend. During the jumping jacks I’m painfully aware that I have had three kids and that things don’t…hold together as well down there. Too much information? My bad. : )

I have an unhealthy relationship with chocolate. Let’s just say I’m glad Landon and I don’t have a prenup because I think he could make a case that I’ve been somewhat unfaithful.

I have to use a special cream under my armpits after I shave to prevent them from breaking out. I was going to just stop shaving them altogether, but Mr. Bug enlightened me to the fact that that is not cool. You heard it here first, folks!

It’s very hard for me to allow the kids to help me fold laundry. I’m uber weird about the way my towels are folded and I know Adaleine means well, but frankly she sucks at folding hand towels. I love her eagerness—maybe we can channel that into something different. Scrubbing toilets? Putting her undies in the hamper?

Speaking of kids, there are some things that just aren’t cute if they do it wrong. Putting their shoes on the wrong feet can be cute, using too much toilet paper and clogging the toilet is not. Clothes on backwards? Hilarious. Finding stains in the undies that were hilariously worn backwards? Nowhere near as cute.

I kind of wish I was English and in an older time. Pretty much I wish I was in Downton Abbey. But as one of the family. Not one of the servants. Obviously. I love the accent, the style that goes into everything, changing clothes for every meal, and Matthew Crawley. He is by far the coolest cat in the series. And yes, that is the first time I’ve ever used the term ‘coolest cat.’

The Ray Lamontagne album ‘Trouble’ is very sexy. Just FYI.

You know those ‘I’d rather be cycling/running/sewing/sailing’ license plate holders? The people who make those are a limited in their selection, because I have yet to find one that says ‘I’d rather be watching TV.’ What up wit dat?

And there you have it. The second installment of Confessions of a Housewife. You’re very welcome. Happy Wednesday!

If you want to read Confessions of a 28-Year-Old Housewife, click here